Fulhamish Legends#1 - Clint Dempsey

USA and Fulham favourite
Deserving of the Love Bestowed

Clint Dempsey scores 

Fulham 1 - Liverpool 0

Nearly scores a brace

Swansea 2 - Fulham 0

Fulham fans prefer playing the big teams. 

We may get a bloody nose every so often. 

Fulham 1 - Tottenham 3

But not always 

Fulham 2 - Man City 2

Arsenal 1 - Fulham 1

Rivalries are worth the long wait  

Fulham 6 - QPR 0

This is a very, very Fulhamish Season.

Roll on Chelski at the Cottage. 

COYWS!

NEXT UP: Football Stories: The Spirit of Clint Dempsey

COMING SOON: I'm a Celebrity Chairman - Get Me Out of Here*

*Due to General Strike action this article has been delayed. 

England European and World Champions 2011* + Fabregas is Innocent

Honourable Member of the Press Corps Piers Morgan

Expenses in the post Eds. My local sources don't come cheap. I have been really impressed by the strength and vigour of their livers.

This is the post from which my next Football Speak story will evolve from. It is subject to change as I am still checking with my sources and I was a bit drunk at the time.

I can Predict in Football. It is a gift given by the heavens to compensate for my lack of natural ability on the pitch. Although I don't play computer games often  My campaign to drop Wayne Rooney and John Terry has worked as foretold. Fulham Bob did not even have to go on the pitch for his presence to be felt at Wembley. Magic came for those who believed. It came at a very powerful moment in time.

Master of Philosophical Sledging
Sir Joseph
Showing Solidarity with the People
If he can grow this Tache

I created a Mexican Wave of Solidarity for the People online ahead of the Home Nation games that was felt as far away as Icelandic as Volcano God Lady K sent a wave of support back to us. I may be a Celt not a Brit and I have a acquired taste for Metal which is generally worth more than paper.

These are interesting times. Chances will be given to everyone on merit and not just the 1% such as Red Rooney and Blue Terry, who have been found wanting for the Tribes in the past and were rightly punished by removing the love of the People. They do not want their names to be eternally cursed.

Joey Barton who is growing a moustache until he gets an England cap was doing his bit for the cause by firing off several cutting remarks against the Oozing Blob Piers Morgan for the Engerland he defends:

Hitov the Hajduk

Bulgarian Revolutionary

Legendary Moustache Tamer
Patron Saint of Movember

We achieved greatness on Saturday. We do not need them if we believe. You'll Never Walk Alone and we must never forget the fallen. By remembering in Red and White we took power away from the Antipodean Beast and the dark forces forces of the 1% who do not believe. We have seen conclusive proof this weekend of a greater power and shown the Tribal Celtic Underdogs of these Islands can be Victorious. And it did not involve any violence, although some of the Latin Conspirators, recently deported from these isles for divided loyalties did try and provoke a reaction as Phil Jagielka can testify!

According to my new source Arsenal Bob, the turncoat Fabregas does have a defence planned besides his haircut. His power to attack English Defences has waned in league with his distance from these magical shores - away visits don't seem to count. Smiffy cut in at this point, adamant in his assertion that Fernado Torres has struggled solely due to  his association with the blue that now bears down heavy upon his chest. Bob continued when Smiffy shut up for a moment that Fabregas has to put up with the burden of Madrid as seen in the video below. His divided loyalties at Arsenal have been well documented and he never hid his love or ambition, although he may well have hidden his burning hate for Madrid and he hates the Special One more than most. It is in his blood. But I have read Shakespeare, I was tortured with Westside Story at one point in my life and in what may pass as a plot from a Keith Lemon film, I can see them finding forgiveness and making out as the credits draw down. Much passion and vengeance runs through the blood of the Peninsular Tribes. [Eds-this is the film you told me to plug wasn't it?]

@ 0:22 Mourinho vs Fabregas
@ 0:58~1:00 Pepe (no.3) vs Fabregas



Smiffy commented that Febregas on field rage caused by an overwhelming desire to kick the blue scum which he sympathised with in spirit, but I think he was still going on about beating Chelski and he's taken the death of his leader pretty hard. In my defence I was drunk at the time as this is the only way I can communicate with the locals so I can't vouch for every word but I got the gist.


A Trip to the Theatre

NEXT UP: I'm a Celebrity Chairman...Get Me Out of Here!

Coming soon to Football Speak, I take on my biggest investigation yet and delve into the secret world of Chairmen and the shocking truth from my sources! Read of disturbing links between Trainer Crime and the love that dare not speak its name and I'm not talking about Harry and Dumbledore. 

Thierry Ennui looks into the terrible conditions in Manchester.
Look what it did to Juan Sebastian Veron and
current Argentinian prisoner Carlos Tevez who is not even allowed to go home. 

* Le Tournoi in 1997 does not count just as The Intertoto Cup in 2002 does not count either. But look at the awesome power of these two winning forces combined. Fulham Bob must be in the England Squad. Never has a player made such an impact by staying on the bench.


DISCLAIMER: I have to put a disclaimer due to the sensitivity of the subjects and because some people respect the dead by shouting and abusing you for having an opinion. I just have a different way. I hope through humour I am able to illuminate you on the use of language in the media, especially sports, and the side shows to occupy our minds. If you have taken offence then you should read the stuff I am parodying before you cast stones at me.

Tévez Wary of Northern Threat

Salute to the Northern Tribe #2 S**t on the Wolves, Spit on the Seals*

I have always had a soft spot for the Baggies, possibly because of their utter hopelessness, that accent and the proximity to Dudlaah. What's not to pity? Besides Adrian Chiles.

Wolves Local

There are no hard feeling with Woy Hodgson only memories. It's hard to begrudge an ex manager as long as they don't cheat or sodomise the club mascot, because life has to go on without them. They only visit, they can go away again. Defeat hurts more when you live together and Neighbours are right in your face. As Baggies.com explains: 

Bath Time[Image Wikipedia] 

Beach ball alleged to be out of shot

The Doomed Scottish Empire and Football

Natural Checks and Balances
Image: Google Maps
Words: GingerZilla

The one problem being a mongrel of the British Archipelagos is our divided loyalties, caused by the many threads of our DNA being mingled down the years. 

Someone's mother was always a Hoor and it's always the bloody Neighbours. It's a fortunate side effect of alcohol, without which the Northern Tribes may have ceased to exist. The Sacred Lubricant of Life (always drink senselessly). The closer we are, the more we hate each other until we look in the mirror and realise we're all bleary eyed and hung over. 

Salute to a Northern Tribe #1 Come on you 'Muirs

It is not Currently Safe to Walk through the Midlands.
Tribes are advised to continue using Northern Sea Routes until the Sun God returns.
No Volcano Gods Currently Activity
Image: Copyright Google Maps

The seas are still warm despite the wet dull summer. The Volcano Gods have been kind to us lately but they are growing restless. It's not safe to take planes. Trains are out of the question because they are the toy of the rich. That normally leaves walking but Google have advised this as the Midlands are too dangerous at this time of year, so journeys north must be taken by sea. Obviously I am on to something with my conspiracy theories about the encroaching Northern Darkness. I know this because I asked Google how to walk from London to Scotland and it gave me the directions above. It must be true! 

Anyway, somewhere in that cold place, heartland of Northern Socialism, lies Scottish League Division Two Warriors, Stenhousemuir. They won nothing for 111 years and they hate Stranraer. They have  Norwegian Friends, a place even further North.

Then there is the annual Stenhousemuir Old Boys match - a dead cert for home win except this year when the Stand Up Comedians, made up from the Edinburgh Fringe, caused a massive  upset with a 2-1 win.

The Warriors last league home game was attended by a whopping 621 people and for that loyalty, We Salute You. 

I love the subtitles on this video of their Promotion Win two years ago even if it is in a language unknown to Google: 

Does Yeow Boing?

The Antipodean Beast sacrificed the soul of Football (just ask any Undeserving Poor supporters). I am going to reclaim our souls for the Football Gods by making my own adverts, about myself instead of having to watch the annoying stuff in between the football and talking about football. It's what Megalomaniacs do. But I cannot do it alone. This is a writers forum, a creative world to philosophise as only drunken football fans can. Understanding about moustaches and being a twit helps.

Has yeow supported the Baggies since yeow was a babby?


Does yeow wanna use yeow donnies to club the Seals and the Dingels with yeow wit?


Become an egg that hatches into it's own online alter ego.

If you secretly want to write character based comedy using football as a template and can take the piss out yourself and others, without being a prick (as Smiffy would say)...then send me a short piece of 250-300 words commenting on a football story from your club's perspective. Videos, Comedy it all counts. If it makes us laugh, then we will publish it.

Join us at Football Zilla and banter.

Any team that can use Reggae is okay by us. Except Chelsea. We hate Chelsea.