Warnock's Team Talk - Match Attax

In his Independent column, Neil Warnock has revealed the secret of his team talk"s and the shocking revelation that " It must have cost me about £200 to get all our squad":

GoldenBalls - Queens or Cottager?

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David Beckham has been linked with QPR in recent days.

Ten years ago our Asylum Seeking Chairman (according to Smiffy) Mohamed Al-Fayed (MAF) said:

“if [George] Best played for Fulham - why not Beckham? If we were good enough for Georgie, we are also good enough for Becks.” 

I agreed then as now. Fulham have a long tradition of stars “in the autumn of the footballing lives”– Bobby Moore, George Best, Edwin van der Sar and Karl Heinz Riedle (who scored his last ever goal in a 2-0 win over QPR). So since MAF told us Becks was a ‘good friend of mine’ why are the Mighty Whites not being linked to GoldenBalls?

So in order to wind up the known QPR fan Smiffy, lets look over this:


Fulham, Craven Cottage:

Craven Cottage hosts London's oldest club and sits in the corner of a stadium that was refurbished by flogging Louis Saha when we saw the latest injury bill. The Johnny Haynes stand "remains the oldest stand (dating back to 1905) in the Football League and is thus a Grade II* listed building."

All Images and quotes from Wikipedia

It is a family club that attracts attendances that average in excess of 25,000. "Due to Fulham's past history of having no segregation in the Putney End and having very well-behaved fans, the FA gave Fulham special dispensation to allow for this. Fulham is the only club currently in the UK to have such an area."

Marketing Patter: You can enjoy European Nights with an established English Premiership team (2001-) in a beautiful riverside location where hoodies will get run over by a Chelsea Tractor. The local shops, bars and restaurants offer a variety of places to take the children (just avoid one of the statues if the kids are in tow you don't want to give the wrong impression).

Queens Park Rangers,  Loftus Road*:

Not a very pretty view from The Loft

Although built one year before the cottage, QPR flogged Les Ferdinand and spunked the money. It shows. They have returned to the Premier League after many years of trying not to get beaten by Welsh teams.

Attendances scrape just over 15,000 as it's difficult to afford a ticket on the dole (and this was before they had the recession to blame). Following the London Riots attendances rose over last season, but most fans can't be arsed to attend as you can't drink inside the ground, so they stay on their park benches.

Not a very pretty picture either

Loftus Road is a shithole. It should have been knocked down years ago but its substructure may be the only thing holding up the local estate. When asked if they were a family club a spokesman  offered the caller out.

Marketing Patter: Experience fly by nights race the White City Estate set against the backdrop of a waterslide over the road. The local shops, bars and restaurants offer a variety of places to buy cheap alcohol, dodgy take away food and endless opportunities to get mugged. 

Now to totally honest though I’m not thinking of this in terms of football as I doubt Goldenballs would play much even if we decided to buy, but I am thinking of all the money and extra interest we’d get and this being converted back into the ground. We've had our own David Beckham, Fulham ‘legend’ and Japan World Cup star Junichi Inamoto. Which is an excuse for me to show a video of his goals including that absolute beauty against the Old Mancs on the Block in our 1-3 win at Old Trafford back in 2003 (goal starts 0:56).

I may add to this post – suggestions of QPR/Fulham comparisons please (in comments) as *I am still trying to wind Smiffy up and I expect him to retaliate at some point.http://bitly.com/nCsAbA

Fulhamish #1

At Fulham we are proud to be a family club.

Except when Chelski in their pre Eastern days came to visit, I always remember it was the only game as a child that I wasn’t allowed to attend. I would be happy to take my child to a Fulham game, even Cheski.

That was until I read Twitter tonight about tomorrows game at home with Blackburn:

   

And then I found this archive footage...

The Curse of Michael Jackson lingers long over the Cottage.

It reminds me why footie fans should never laugh to hard at the misfortunes of others as I’m a Celebrity Chairman–Get Me Out of Here! showed.

Now can Fulham please play on a bloody Saturday for once when we don't have a European game.*

Come on You Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiites

* For the known QPR fan, Smiffy's  information - E-U-R-O-P-E you don't just buy players there, you can play the locals too. Can you ever see Warnock in Europe? Besides on an EasyJet?