The Season Ahead in West London
|Smiffy reacting to Chelski|
Asylum Seeking Chairmen and more
[Note: This was originally posted by Smiffy back in 2004]
A new season is dawning upon us in the fine West of London and as always expectations (Brentford excluded) and banter increase as we edge closer to the first ball being kicked. So what does the new season hold for the local clubs and their fans?
As has been the case last season, the scum have been splashing out on new players. It's nice to see Abramobitch's pimp cash being laundered nicely although Olga and Petrina's privates must be rawer than as sushi factory during a big order! So what will this achieve for the c**ts in blue?
Nothing really - as a wise man once said "once a c**t, always a c**t". Considering the average Chelsea c**t can't read I don't think this will offend and of them, they're probably so involved in fucking their sister/mother/pet dog's arse [delete as appropriate] so they couldn't care less. Anyway enough about them I've had enough of spitting at my screen and on to another club with an asylum seeker as a sugar daddy; (half) Ful-ham.
Chris Coleman's first season has taught him a lot, some valuable advice Mr. Ranieri should have headed - Swallow!
Fulham are now back home, shame chairman Abu Hamza (sorry Al Fayed) can't do the same! In typical half full fashion, they moan about having to play at a Premiership ground for two years which they couldn't fill, then when Al Queeda sorry Fayed) take them home, they get 6,500 for their opening. Good job they booked weedgie c**ts Celtic and Rangers to full their ground. - just in time to see the chairman evicted from the Big Brother house [you are f**king psychic Smiffy - you saw that coming 7 years ago -GZ]. How will he react to seeing a crowd?
Starlet Davis has become a yid so Bin Laden shall take his true place in the centre of the park, or is he already the chairman? Is it true that Fulham's new away kit includes a Hijab? Questions, Questions......
Meanwhile at the benefit office that is Griffin Park, money making ventures have hit critical levels as the club announced it was to open up the main stand as a crack house to generate cash. Other ideas include colostomy bags with the club logo and a new three wheeler to take supporter(s) delete as appropriate] to home and away games, plus back to the home afterwards.
The club have also announced that their efforts to keep up with half full and scum, by bringing in an illegal immigrant, Mohammed Milosevic* as chairman, failed after it was revealed that the prospective chairman was not on sickness benefit as first reported, but only on JSA**. The club has also learnt that Mr Milosevic was actually LEGAL and the club have been quick to distance themselves with the former camel testicle salesman.
Queens Park Rangers
Finally, last but of course the best - the famous, nay, legendary Q.P.R. Ollies army are on the march etc. etc. Plenty of news from the Loft but deserving of being put on a separate page from certain elements of filth that have been mentioned. So until next time come on you R'sssssss.
And remember don't hate asylum seekers: when their benefits come in they may be your next chairman.
* This name has been changed from Smiffy's original suggestion as I don't think out current server would take too kindly and would kick us off. NTL are complete and utter bastards anyway.
** By GingerZilla's amazing powers of deduction, we believe this stands for Job Seeker's Allowance, however we are not entirely sure a this JSA appears to be a QPR thing.