Sunday, 13 November 2011

England European and World Champions 2011* + Fabregas is Innocent

Honourable Member of the Press Corps Piers Morgan
Expenses in the post Eds. My local sources don't come cheap. I have been really impressed by the strength and vigour of their livers.

This is the post from which my next Football Speak story will evolve from. It is subject to change as I am still checking with my sources and I was a bit drunk at the time.

I can Predict in Football. It is a gift given by the heavens to compensate for my lack of natural ability on the pitch. Although I don't play computer games often  My campaign to drop Wayne Rooney and John Terry has worked as foretold. Fulham Bob did not even have to go on the pitch for his presence to be felt at Wembley. Magic came for those who believed. It came at a very powerful moment in time.

Master of Philosophical Sledging
Sir Joseph
Showing Solidarity with the People
If he can grow this Tache
I created a Mexican Wave of Solidarity for the People online ahead of the Home Nation games that was felt as far away as Icelandic as Volcano God Lady K sent a wave of support back to us. I may be a Celt not a Brit and I have a acquired taste for Metal which is generally worth more than paper.

These are interesting times. Chances will be given to everyone on merit and not just the 1% such as Red Rooney and Blue Terry, who have been found wanting for the Tribes in the past and were rightly punished by removing the love of the People. They do not want their names to be eternally cursed.

Joey Barton who is growing a moustache until he gets an England cap was doing his bit for the cause by firing off several cutting remarks against the Oozing Blob Piers Morgan for the Engerland he defends:

Bulgarian Revolutionary
Legendary Moustache Tamer
Patron Saint of Movember
We achieved greatness on Saturday. We do not need them if we believe. You'll Never Walk Alone and we must never forget the fallen. By remembering in Red and White we took power away from the Antipodean Beast and the dark forces forces of the 1% who do not believe. We have seen conclusive proof this weekend of a greater power and shown the Tribal Celtic Underdogs of these Islands can be Victorious. And it did not involve any violence, although some of the Latin Conspirators, recently deported from these isles for divided loyalties did try and provoke a reaction as Phil Jagielka can testify!

According to my new source Arsenal Bob, the turncoat Fabregas does have a defence planned besides his haircut. His power to attack English Defences has waned in league with his distance from these magical shores - away visits don't seem to count. Smiffy cut in at this point, adamant in his assertion that Fernado Torres has struggled solely due to  his association with the blue that now bears down heavy upon his chest. Bob continued when Smiffy shut up for a moment that Fabregas has to put up with the burden of Madrid as seen in the video below. His divided loyalties at Arsenal have been well documented and he never hid his love or ambition, although he may well have hidden his burning hate for Madrid and he hates the Special One more than most. It is in his blood. But I have read Shakespeare, I was tortured with Westside Story at one point in my life and in what may pass as a plot from a Keith Lemon film, I can see them finding forgiveness and making out as the credits draw down. Much passion and vengeance runs through the blood of the Peninsular Tribes. [Eds-this is the film you told me to plug wasn't it?]

0:22 Mourinho vs Fabregas

0:58~1:00 Pepe (no.3) vs Fabregas

Smiffy commented that Febregas on field rage caused by an overwhelming desire to kick the blue scum which he sympathised with in spirit, but I think he was still going on about beating Chelski and he's taken the death of his leader pretty hard. In my defence I was drunk at the time as this is the only way I can communicate with the locals so I can't vouch for every word but I got the gist.

A Trip to the Theatre

NEXT UP: I'm a Celebrity Chairman...Get Me Out of Here!

Coming soon to Football Speak, I take on my biggest investigation yet and delve into the secret world of Chairmen and the shocking truth from my sources! Read of disturbing links between Trainer Crime and the love that dare not speak its name and I'm not talking about Harry and Dumbledore. 

Thierry Ennui looks into the terrible conditions in Manchester.
Look what it did to Juan Sebastian Veron and
current Argentinian prisoner Carlos Tevez who is not even allowed to go home. 
* Le Tournoi in 1997 does not count just as The Intertoto Cup in 2002 does not count either. But look at the awesome power of these two winning forces combined. Fulham Bob must be in the England Squad. Never has a player made such an impact by staying on the bench.

DISCLAIMER: I have to put a disclaimer due to the sensitivity of the subjects and because some people respect the dead by shouting and abusing you for having an opinion. I just have a different way. I hope through humour I am able to illuminate you on the use of language in the media, especially sports, and the side shows to occupy our minds. If you have taken offence then you should read the stuff I am parodying before you cast stones at me.

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